Resolving Conflict: How to Avoid Exploding in Anger

Someone pushes your buttons. Your face turns red. Your heart starts to pound. Your hands start shaking. You are about to go off like a volcano. The only problem is if you do, you may do as much destruction as a volcano! You can harm a relationship, lose a job or cause an accident.  

What to do? You know you need to get a handle on yourself but your emotions are out of control.

Try some or all of these ideas to calm yourself.

7 Tips to Avoid Exploding in Anger

  1. Pull away from the situation. If you can discipline yourself at all, leave the person or situation and go into the bathroom or another room or somehow leave the scene. Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. If it is a family member or good friend or whoever it is, tell them, “I am really upset and I need to calm down.” If you have the presence of mind to do so, you can even say, “We can talk later about this when I can think more clearly.”
  2. Take deep breaths. This will get more oxygen to your brain and begin to help you calm yourself.
  3. Call a trusted friend and vent.
  4. Write down your feelings. Grab a pen and paper or go to the computer and pound away all your thoughts and feelings. Anger means you are trying to take a stand for something. Try to think about what it is you are taking a stand for.
  5. Do some kind of vigorous exercise, clean something or do something physical
  6. Get some understanding or perspective. Try to think about things from the other person’s viewpoint.
  7. Think through how you can go back and talk things through with the person in a more rational way. Read through the other posts in this blog for ideas on how to share your thoughts and feelings in ways that respect yourself and the other person.

Most of all, do deal and work through your anger. Anger that isn’t resolved can cause you to lose your emotional and physical health. It’s not healthy to repress your anger. As a variation on the quote goes, when you bury your anger, you bury it alive. You have to work through it otherwise it will drain your energy and cause you to sabotage your success.

You can’t always resolve it the same day or evening. However, it is in your best interest to resolve it as quickly as possible.

“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

What has been your experience? What questions do you have? How can I support you in resolving your relationship issues?

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