How to Get out of the Blame Game

“She made me angry! That’s why I hit her” Billy protested when his mother rebuked him for hitting his little sister.

Susan defended her rude behavior to her friend Susie, “I was mean with her because of what she did.”

Jimmy said to Mary his wife, “If you had come home when I asked you to, I wouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Have you ever said or heard statements like this?

A common trap people fall into is to blame others for their reactions. It seems to be a default setting for human nature. However, when you do this, you give away your power and essentially become a victim of another person’s actions.

When you blame, you let someone else determine who you are going to be. You put someone else in charge of your life instead of taking charge yourself. Once you realize you are doing this, what do you do? How do you get unstuck from blaming others for your reactions?

3 Tips to Get Out of the Blame Game

1. Take responsibility for your own feelings and reactions. When you do this, you take back control of your own life.

2. Use “I” messages. For example, instead of saying “She or he made me angry,” say, “I got angry when he/she said or did…”

3. Choose your reactions to situations. For example, maybe you don’t like it when someone puts you down all the time and it makes you angry. Then learn how to stand up for yourself!

Don’t let yourself be a victim. Take charge and instead be a victor in your situations and relationships. If you are not sure how to do that, read other posts I’ve written in this blog. Ask God for His wisdom and to show you how to be a victor instead of a victim. Determine how you want to live your life and who you want to be. When you do, you will experience a new sense of freedom and power.

“With God we will gain the victory.” Psalm 108:13 (NIV)

Have you ever fallen into that victim situation of blaming? How did you get out of it?

What was helpful for you in this post? Do you have further questions? Let me know how I can support you in resolving your relationship problems.

*Names changed 

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