Have you ever felt like you were in a power struggle with someone? Conflicts can become power struggles. How do these conflicts get resolved?
One person has to choose to do things different. When you chose to change your response, you will change they dynamics of the situation. One of the ways is to do this is to “let go.” When you “let go” you end the power struggle.
This is easier said than done.
Recently, I sensed I needed to “let go” of having things my way with one of my young adult children. Truthfully, I believe my position was the best thing to do. I wasn’t stubborn and holding my position just to win. There were and still are many convincing arguments for my position.
However, I kept sensing this was “a time to let go.” This can be extremely difficult especially if you feel the direction of the life of another is at stake. So what do you do? How do you let go when everything in you cries out no?
1. Realize that there is more than one strategy that can win your battle. Sometimes we get stuck in a thought rut that that there is only one way to meet a need or accomplish a goal.
2. Be willing to humble yourself. This is not easy but there is tremendous power in humility. Humility is stronger then pride. It’s called walking in the opposite spirit. When someone is proud and you respond with humility, you break the power of the pride. It may not look like it initially but ultimately it does.
3. Realize that often letting go is a process you do one step at a time. Don’t expect yourself to release it totally the first time you have the awareness of the need to let go.
4. If you have trouble letting go, ask God to help you. I often pray, “God, I’m willing to let go, give me what I need to do so.”
5. Take some time to process your feelings like I talked about in tips to deal with your anger. Let yourself feel all the unpleasant feelings. Sometimes we control because we don’t want to feel the pain of our other emotions such as anger. Anger is a secondary emotion and covers fear, hurt or sadness. If you realize this and can deal with the primary emotion, usually you can resolve things better. Deal with the fear. Let yourself feel the hurt. Cry if you need to. My daughter used to say, “Crying washes away the pain.”
6. Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t share your thoughts and feelings. Often, sharing them in a healthy way helps you to let go. Do be wise how you say things and take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. Review tips on talking and listening.
7. Explore and determine what the need or goal is and brainstorm about other ways to meet it. Remove your mind block that there is only one way to achieve your goal. God is bigger and has many creative ways to work things out.
Rigidity blinds us to creativity. Flexibility opens us up to new possibilities. There is more than one way to meet your need or desires. Relax, let go and let God fill your mind with new strategies.
If you do these things, you will find yourself going down new paths. Initially you may feel like you are losing and that is normal. You need process those feelings but be reassured, if you need to let go, in the end you will be a winner. I used to say my kids, “Short term loss for long term gains.”
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)
What has been your experience when you sensed you needed to let go? Share with us in the comments below. If you need help with that process, let me know.