Conflict Resolution: When You Feel Wronged, Do You Keep Score?

When you feel wronged, do you deal with it in a straightforward way or do you tuck the offense away and let it build up. Recently, I urged a friend to deal with an offense they had with a family member. They looked at me with a glint in their eye, “I don’t have to, I just keep score.”

This is called “gunny sacking.” You gather offenses and put them in a gunny sack on your back and then when you’ve had enough, you dump it all over someone. It could be a minor situation that triggers it and out all the garbage comes! The person dumped on may be confused and wonder what hit them. They may not even know about the build up and why you are so upset.

Keeping score is one of the unhealthiest and least fair way to deal with offenses. Unfortunately, many of us do it to one degree to another. We let something slide, build up and then we dump.

This is not only unhealthy for the person who is the target but it is also unhealthy for us. God never meant for us to carry a lot of anger from offenses. Unresolved anger is one of the chief causes of heart attacks and many other health problems.

A better way is to deal with offenses as they come, one by one. How to do that? Check out my blog post under the category “offenses” and read the post How Do You Get Over Being Offended.  Also read tips on how to share your thoughts and feelings.

It’s better for your physical and emotional health if you take care of offenses as they come up. Then the other person will have a chance to know in a clear and respectful way what is offending you and you can talk it out and
resolve the conflict

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” Matthew 18:5 (NIV)

What has your experience been? Share with us in the comments below.

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