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- When You Say Goodbye, It’s Okay to Cry
- Good Words Plant Seeds
- Make Someone’s Day Better ~ Express gratitude
- Let Go of the Toxic People in Your Life
- Complaining Is Bad For Your Brain ~ 5 Tips To Overcome
- Conflict Resolution–How to Resolve Conflict Quickly
- When Not to Talk Things Out–3 Tips
- Relationship Help–Allow Someone to Struggle to Get Strong
- How to Grieve A Loss or Transition–5 Secrets to Healthy Grieving
- Relationship Help–How to Say Goodbye To A Group
- Difficult Relationships
- Grief-How to Grieve a Loss
- Keys to Reconciliation
- Letting Go
- Power of Words
- Relationship Building
- Relationship Help
- Relationship Investment
- Trust in Relationships
Category Archives: Confrontations
Do you have someone in your life who makes destructive choices and refuses to change? Do their actions or words create a toxic emotional environment for you? Do you feel pressure to remain in a relationship because they are a … Continue reading
When tempers flare or an offense is taken, do you resolve your conflicts quickly? Roselyn made a communication mistake. Instead of using an “I” message when she talked with her adult daughter, Lily about a sensitive issue, she used the … Continue reading
Recently, I rode with a couple, friends of mine who had been married for many years. I love them but their bickering drives me nuts.
We had dinner and were driving home from a new and unfamiliar location and he lost his way. I’ve changed the names and details to protect their identities.
“If you would just turn around and go back, you could get on the road the guy at the gas station told you to.” Sue* told Bill.*
Bill replied, “I won’t miss it. I know I can get there if I go straight ahead. Don’t worry I am in control.”
“You weren’t in control when you got confused back there and you had to ask,” she retorted.
As they drove she said, “Get over there so the other cars can pass you. You are going too fast.”
“No, I’m not. I’m fine.”
“You are going too fast. You are going 70 and that is dangerous. It’s not safe!”
He ignored her.
Finally, he realized he’s going in the wrong direction so he turned the car around. “Oh no, now I have to go back by the strip mall again and I don’t want to do that.”
Even though he realized he was wrong, Sue wouldn’t leave it alone. “If you just listened and turned back there, you wouldn’t have to go past here again. I don’t know why you wouldn’t listen in the first place.”
About that point, I wanted to scream, “STOP!” But the quarreling did not end. All the way home they argued about the directions, the driving, the turnoffs, whatever. When we finally arrived at our destination, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Can you relate to the above scenario? Maybe not to the degree in this situation but on some level, you can find yourself engaged in strife, contending with a family member, friend or coworker. Strife is not good for you. It’s not good for your emotional or physical health. How can you get out of it? How can you live in a peaceful environment instead of a strife filled one?
5 tips to avoid strife:
- Give up the urge to prove the other person wrong. When you have to prove the other wrong as Sue did, it provoked Bill to argue back to prove he was right. The person has to regain a sense of dignity so they will fight back.
- Don’t gloat over it when you are right. Avoid saying, “I told you so” or say as Sue did, “If you had only listened…” especially if you say it in a critical way. You can think that but unless the person is willing to tease about it themselves, it can stir things up and cause continued fighting.
- Let each other make mistakes without rubbing it in and nagging about it. Sometimes it’s hard but let it go. You have to swallow your own pride at being right. You don’t always have to point out the wrong to the other person and rub it in. Hopefully the person will learn from their mistake.
- Give grace for mistakes. We all make them and we’d want people to overlook ours so extend that grace to them.
- Treat the person with respect. Follow the golden rule and do unto others as you would like for them to do unto you.
Avoid strife and you will enjoy peace in your environment. This takes discipline and you have to be intentional about it. If you chose this wisdom, you will enjoy a greater benefit. Your mental, emotional and physical health will flourish when make choices that bring peace.
Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1 (NIV 1984)
How about you? Have you had this experience? What do you do? Put your comments in the box below.
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