Conflict Resolution: Do You Walk on Eggshells Around Certain People?

"I feel like I am walking on eggshells around my daughter. I never know when I am going to do something that triggers her and offends her" she shook her head as she leaned over the table. We had finished breakfast and were visiting about relationship issues.

I stirred my tea and put down the spoon, "I used to feel that way around a couple of my teens." I empathized, "At times, I felt like I was walking in a mine field. I never knew what I was going to do that would set them off."

She picked up her coffee cup and held it in her hands, "I've told my daughter, 'Look if I am doing something that offends you, let me know right then.' Then I could explain or clarify it to clear up any misunderstanding. I wish they could accept me the way I accept my mother in law and overlook some of my mistakes. Or that they would tell me what I do that bothers them."

What do you do when you have a sensitive person who gets offended easily?

If they snap at you or pull away, ask them at the time, "Did I say something that offended you?" If it is a later time that an incident comes to your mind, call them or when you see them, then ask, "Were you offended when I said or did such and such?"

On the other hand, if you are not sure if they are offended but you sense their withdrawal, ask, "Have I done something to offend you?"

Hopefully they will tell you and then you can apologize or clear up the misunderstanding. If they won't then you can say, "Look I care about you and I care about our relationship. It's not my intent to hurt you and if you are offended, I can't read your mind, I would like for you to tell me so I can make it right."

If they respond, you've won someone back over into relationship. If they don't tell you, you've done what you can. You can only be responsible for your part to make peace. Don't let them control your behavior. Be yourself.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18(NIV)

Comments

[Anonymous]

I feel this way around my husband. I've gotten to the point where I realize now that I am never in control of his emotions. He is. There's no need to "win him back" into the relationship. He is an adult, and he owns his own mind and feelings.

[Sharon Rose Gibson]

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

I am sorry for your suffering in your relationship with your husband. It is true that you are not in charge of your husband's emotions and that he does own his own mind and feelings. Good point and insight. I am sure some freedom has come to you in realizing this.

Sometimes people can be influenced and their hearts softened by your reaching out to them and sometimes not. That is why God only holds us accountable for our part.

I pray that you will find your place of peace and rest in this situation.

If you want to email me about the situation further, my email for this blog is conflicttopeaceinrelationships(at)gmail.com
I am sure you know the symbol for "at" used in emails. Spelling it out is to keep spammers from grabbing this email.