Most
of us have had situations where someone started yelling at us or expressing
their anger at us. This is very unpleasant and our initial reaction often is to
yell back. However, when we do, this only adds more fuel to the fire and the
situation can grow into something bigger causing additional unnecessary conflict.
What
is the best thing to do?
1. Do your best to control
yourself and remain calm. Years ago, I accidentally hit someone’s bumper in a
parking lot. It didn’t do any damage but the man jumped out of the car. He
yelled and screamed at me, “What do you think you are doing? Why don’t you
watch where you are going? Quickly, I said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you
were going to stop. I am truly sorry.” He calmed down immediately. I’m sure if
I had answered with an angry retort, it would have escalated.
2. Listen to what the
person has to say. Even if they are not expressing it in a good way, as long as
they are not being abusive, let them vent.
3. Try to understand what
is behind the anger and express your understanding of the underlying issue. A
friend of mine had a son who came home and started yelling at her over a
misunderstanding about plans for supper. He wanted to go play basketball and
failed to communicate that to her. She planned on supper at the same time. Rather
than take offense, she controlled herself and talked to him calmly. She
listened to him and then shared her viewpoint.
He was stressed from a frustrating day and her willingness to understand
what was behind the anger opened a way for a satisfactory resolution to the conflict.
The
next time someone gets angry with you, make an effort to control yourself,
listen and understand the other person. You may think you have power when you
scream and yell but it actually takes more strength to respond in a peaceful
way. If you want to be a strong person and have people respect you, discover the power of a calm answer.
A
gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs
15:1 (NIV)
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helpful for you? Let me know, I'd love to hear about it!
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