When
you are offended by something someone said or did, a natural reaction is to
lash back out of your pain. One principle I’ve learned is that before you
confront someone, you will handle things better if you get over the offense
before you talk to them. You will be calmer if you have worked through some of
your anger and frustration and they will be more likely to receive what you have to say.
7 Tips
on how to get over the offense:
1.
Take
some time by yourself to think. Find a time and place to process things. It can
even be while you do other chores but take some focused time to think.
2.
Do
a little self evaluation. Why did what they said or did bother you so much?
What is the reason behind your anger? Was it an attack on your value and worth?
Was it their lack of consideration of your needs? Was it their
irresponsibility? What is the core issue for you?
3.
Ask
yourself some questions. Is there any truth in what they said? What part of it
is something you can change and what part of it is their issue?
4.
Ask
God for wisdom to help you understand
yourself and the other person. If you are having a
hard time sorting it through, talk to a trusted friend or write out your thoughts and feelings.
5.
Make
a decision to forgive the
person and extend grace to them. We all make mistakes even harmful ones. Forgiveness helps us to get rid of the anger. If you are
having trouble forgiving, ask God to help you and to give you what you need to
forgive. A mindset of forgiveness will help you address the person in a more
honoring way.
6.
Plan
out the points you want to make before you talk to them. This will help you be
clearer and more focused in the discussion.
7.
Review
the principles I wrote in an earlier post on tips for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
It’s
usually scary to confront someone who offended you. It's easier to withdraw but that won't solve any problems and leaves you at risk for resentment. These tips will help you press past the fear and have
the needed courage to resolve the problem.
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)
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