7 Tips on What to Do When You are Angry

Something happens that triggers you and you feel like you are about to explode. Mean things come to your mind and retaliation is uppermost in your mind. What to do? You can simply vent at the moment but sometimes you can make a situation worse. What are some of the better ways to handle yourself when you are angry?

 

The other night, friends of mine (names have been changed) had a conflict. Joe did something that triggered Sarah. She knew she would say things she’d later regret and knew she needed to calm down. So she got up, grabbed a book and went downstairs to exercise. With the time and space to think, she was able to sort through her thoughts and feelings and then decide more objectively what to do.

1. Walk away. This is not always possible but if possible, give yourself some space from the other person and situation. Take a walk. Go exercise. Exercise helps to get rid of negative energy.

2. Calm down. Anger releases hormones and adrenalin that cause hearts to race and minds to spin.
3. Process your thoughts and feelings. If you can, talk to someone you trust who will just listen. This will help you clarify the issues and think more clearly. Sometimes the other person may even have some perspective that can help.
4. If you don’t have someone to talk to, you can go somewhere alone and vent to yourself out loud.
5. Another way to process your feelings is to write. Sometimes it helps to write an angry letter to the person you are angry with but don’t send it. This helps you to get all your thoughts and feelings out. If you do want to send a letter, let it set for a day or two and when you return to it, you will be able to be more objective.
6. Seek understanding. If you don’t understand, ask God to help you understand yourself, the other person and the situation.
7. Wisdom tells you that you don’t have to change every person or situation. Pray for wisdom on what you need to let go of and what you need to address using the guidelines on how to talk and share feelings.

These tips will help you use your anger in constructive ways that will benefit yourself and others. Refer to this post and the other posts in this blog when you have challenging communication situations.

I review them myself. For example, when I need to address an issue with someone I re-read the 10 Powerful Tips for Sharing Thoughts and Feelings. When I want to listen more effectively, I refer to 7 Tips for Effective Listening and Talking Together.

 

Don't get hung up on trying to do it perfectly. Good communication, like any other skill is a learning process. So extend yourself some grace. Each time you read these, your knowledge and skill will expand. This is a wonderful resource so take advantage of it and enjoy the benefits of more peace in your relationships.

 

"In your anger do not sin” Ephesians 4:26a (NIV)

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Comments

[sandi]

These blogs have such helpful advice. I often refer to them when I find myself in awkward conflicts. The words of wisdom have helped me solve conflict and save relationships.

Here are some additional comments that might help others who experience anger.

Personally I find that I experience different kinds of anger.

There are times when anger is justified, sent to warn or protect me or to cause me to protect someone else. In those cases I often have to react quickly.

Other times, my anger is masking a deep hurt within me. i.e. I may react with anger when I am actually experiencing insecurity or rejection, or I feel criticized.

If like this blog suggests, I back away and reflect, I can then get in touch with the true emotion I'm feeling and deal with that instead of lashing back with unkind and defensive words.

Other times what has triggered my anger is a behavior or habit that I don't like in myself.

Again if I follow this blogs advice and journal, I often uncover the underlying feelings.

After I spill it onto paper, I find myself speaking with God about that time that I acted exactly the way I'm being treated.

Suddenly I realize how other people must have felt when I acted out. It dawns on me that if I want grace and mercy for what I did wrong, I need to extend that same forgiveness to the person who just made me angry.

I'm reminded of the scripture that says,
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you."

I have been applying the advice in this column and it has really helped me with things that would previously have baffled me.

Sharon is very wise because she gets her solutions from the Bible, a guidebook that ensures successful human relationships.

Thanks Sharon.